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10 Strategies for Keeping Your Wife’s Mind on You

When I wrote on marriage in the book Till Death I learnt a few new things about cars, medicine, writing itself and of course relationships. Back then, my Senior Partner and I came up with a few tips that could help married men resonate constantly in their wife’s minds.

After going through these tips, I would be glad if you provide feedback on the results of practising just two out of the ten tips over a period of time. Also, you could add tips from your own experience as comments. So here we go:

1. Send a very special SMS or IM everyday whenever you are away. Sample:

‘Someone got me really upset today then he wondered why I just smiled. I smiled ‘cos at that very moment, I thought about u’

2. Spend thirty minutes every day talking to her exclusively. Turn off the TV, your phones, your computer and just talk with her.

3. Have her pose and take pictures of her every weekend. Take pictures of her when she is asleep and surprise her with them.  

4. Do the cooking, house chores or take care of the baby all by yourself and let her do whatever she wants every two weeks.

5. Take her out to dinner, a park, the beach, the movies or wherever at least once a month.

6. Buy her a small gift every month. On special occasions – birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas – buy her a big gift.

7. Visit her at her office once in a while unannounced. Let her colleagues know you.

8. Take her on a trip out of town at least once a year. Depending on where you are going, vary the modes of transport.

9. Describe a part of her body in detail to her once in a while. You can recite it like a poem, write it and send it in the mail or capture it on a camcorder.

10. Confess your commitment to her in a spiritual atmosphere and let her reciprocate. Sample:

‘You belong to me and I belong to you. You are pleasing to me and sufficient for me. I will never desire another. Our souls are bound by a blood covenant in God the Father. Till Death do us part’.

This post was first published in July, 2011

If I Were to Live Again

I was born in a village andthe first language I spoke was Igbo. I faintly remember the encounter I hadwith a fellow two or three-year-old in Port Harcourt, Nigeria. We were examininga little pond. I guess I was fascinated with the fact that I could see myreflection in the water, and his too. I made certain comment about the water inIgbo which I am not sure whether he understood, one thing I was very sure ofwas that I did not understand whatever it was he said in English when heresponded. I do not even remember what he said today but I remember I felt outof place when I could not understand him. I remember another incident in myearly life. I am sure I could have been about four years old when I heard thefirst song I remember hearing: Madonna’s LaIsta Bonita (The Beautiful Island). Till date every time I hear that somesomewhere, I remember the blue lights that lit up the hall in that remote villageof the then Imo State called AmaiyiIgbere. My father was well known, generous and used to host a lot ofparties replete with food and drinks. Incidentally, it was at one of thoseparties in 1986 where I had my first taste of beer at age seven: a mix ofleft-overs from several bottles of Gulder, Star and the likes.

A child’s earliest experiences have a huge impact on the outcome of his or her life even if he doesn’t consciously remember those experiences. I believe that some experiences of our childhood stick with us so deep that even if we do not remember them consciously, they lie hidden deep in our subconscious and subtly contribute to our patterns of thinking. While it is safe to say that most of us have these scripts written in our subconscious inadvertently, as parent, we can take advantage of these realities and attempt to deliberately shape the thinking of our children right from childhood by regulating the things they are exposed to.

I once saw a picture of my childhood when I was about two years old. I was fiddling with the record player looking very serious. My Mom told me I tended to find some electronic device to play around with at every opportunity. She also told me I always found a way to open our bedroom window from the first floor of our house in the village until my Dad secured it with binding wire. That is the nature of every new born: always exploring.

(Excerpts from my next book)

Entangled – A Review by Joseph Otoo

A Touch of Class

There is an immediate practical and vivid connection to this book for the working class, unmarried young man; even for the married, perhaps it’s a déjà vu!


To be honest I appreciated the usefulness of this book only upon reading it a 2nd time, and I wondered where my thoughts were when I read it the 1st time. There is a certain clarity, realism and actuality that Ken wrote with each line of this story, that provokes thoughts of the reader to a point of subconsciously assuming the roles played. And not many a writer often combine these and achieve the level of impact on its readers. He has been brilliant in that regard.


In general Kenneth could not have been more precise and incisive with this story-line. There is a directness in the way each line punches the truth barrier. The paragraphs of each leaflet is a vicious play of the greed and pleasures of man that often tramples our senses of reasoning. We see a writer who has carefully arranged the story-line to whet the appetites of his readers like series and seasons of movies which make you want to watch the next episode…and the next. You could not wait to read the next chapter
How remarkable, that in the end, Ken vividly tells us, so brutally that you can make life that simple for yourself and those around you – regardless of what you have or do not have. And I found it personally from pages 202 onward!


Personally, I found a few key lessons:


A. A man in particular must – not should – be able to make and take a decision, and stick to that decision and deal with the consequences thereof. We have the opportunity of hindsight – albeit not always – and hence can approximate. In truth we cannot expect every decision to be right with little or no knock-off effects, but in our solitude we should smile within if it ends up based on what we decided and do not let it get so much into our heads. We should also take it on the chin if it goes bad, regret a little and attempt to make it right in a bid to turn things around if it is within our purview.


B. You cannot eat your cake and have it. It is that simple. We cannot consciously take certain decisions in life knowing very well their repercussions, and yet when they do we act so pious as though we are whiter than Jesus’ cloth during one of His transfiguration! What goes around comes around!


C. A Novelist of a book I once read said…. “Character is doing what is right when none is watching; Virtue is keeping.” Entangled reiterates this statement essentially! Character has something to do with one’s way of thinking which comes with maturity. Maturity is a state of mental capacity… it is not age; well, not just! Marriage, does not and cannot necessarily change you for the better;


D. We have never done anything by our own might – but the Grace of God! Give credit where it is due. The earlier we accept it the better. Why? Because “iniquity” is found in us (page 205, Miss Botchway speaking). You must not be a Christian sacrosanct to realize this.


A great book by all standards – and I am looking forward to the movie version also – because I wish to partake in the acting!
Kenneth Igiri is indeed a writer!

Say No to Phones

A few days ago at the close of work about five of us were standing by the lift waiting. I suddenly noticed every single person was looking in their phones. It happened again this morning by the lift. WhatsApp it appeared in this case. It occurred to me that the implications of how our social lives have been altered by technology. It is easier to communicate with someone far away whom we cannot see than to notice someone standing right next to us in a public place.

Are we hiding something behind our mobile phone screens? Have we lost the capacity to look another person in the eye? How will our children fit in socially once they are raised with this everyone-to-his-phone culture? In the first occurrence I described, I was so taken aback by the realization that I put my phone in my pocket immediately. It is like a disease that has caught everyone: Phonephilia! It is spreading fast.

I think it would be a healthy habit to deliberately ignore our mobile phones for hours during the day and do more rewarding things like talking with a colleague face to face, focusing on a book or article and even concentrating on our work. There are so many aspects of life that phones and Social Media generally may be taking away from us and we have to fight back for ourselves and for our children. Say “NO” to Phonephilia.

Extract DDL in MySQL

Working with Oracle and SQL Server I have become used to not-so-simple statements or procedures for extracting the structure of database objects. In order to extract the DDL for a database object, one would typically use a third party tool such as SQL Navigator or Toad. An alternative for more advanced DBAs would be to use DBMS_METADATA.GET_DDL. In SQL Server either you script the object from SQL Server Management Studio or you use sp_helptext for procedures for example.

Fig. 1 DBMS_METADATA.GET_DDL in Oracle
Fig. 2 sp_helptext in MS SQL Server

There is actually a very interesting way this is done in MySQL. It is a very simple SHOW command that is quite easy to remember and extend:

SHOW CREATE TABLE <TABLENAME>

I found this particularly interesting because once you know the basic syntax, it become almost intuitive. Other commands exist such as the following to display on indexes on a table :

SHOW INDEX FROM <TABLE_NAME>

I am sure you may already be familiar with SHOW DATABASE, SHOW TABLES, SHOW PROCESSLIST, SHOW PRIVILEGES etc. A full list of MySQL’s SHOW commands can be found here.  

Who Do I Prefer to Hurt?

Early this morning on the way to church we got to a traffic light and I was once again reminded of a dilemma that often occurs to me. Right in front of me I notice a taxi driver and another church member asking another drivers on the inner to allow them in. In strict terms of the law, the person on the inner lane should not let them in but we have to be nice on the motorways don’t we. So we keep letting one or two cars in even when they are wrong in their approach. The dilemma I mentioned earlier is if I have a queue of four cars behind me and I keep letting people in front of me in the name of being nice, I am also delaying those behind me while helping those that chose t cut corners. There is a parallel o this in the workplace.

It is said that a team is a strong as it’s weakest link. Some people are too weak technically to be in certain kinds of technical teams and tend to embarrass the team whenever a task is left in their hands. Maybe they are not suited for the role or they have not been trained sufficiently or they have other problems interfering with their work. Whatever the case is, the team suffers their weakness. But they have families who depend on their income. On the part of the manager whose job it is to determine who gets fired, he has to balance between his sympathy for the weak link and sympathy for the bleeding team.

I think it is only fair to reassign the weak link in some way so as not the jeopardize the careers of the rest of the team. It is a hard decision but that is part of what being a manager is about: taking hard decisions. 

Njànsí According to Authorhouse

NJÀNSÍ is a unique, dramatic and action-packed story that is incredibly visual in style while still maintaining emotional content. The narrative is complex, but once untangled, it’s a clear “good versus evil” structure to which many can relate. While the unfolding narrative lends itself to adaptation for either television or feature film, alterations will be necessary in order to strengthen it for further development. One of the most compelling aspects of the narrative is the relationship between Njànsí and his mother, Comfort. The guilt she feels for bringing her child into the world under such evil circumstances and looking the other way as he flourished represents a mother’s unwavering love for her child, despite the fact that all signs lead her to distance herself from him.

Throughout the book, Njànsí expresses anger and sadness towards his mother, and denounces her for making the choices that she did. In a way, this severed relationship is not given a proper conclusion. It’s implied that Njànsí becomes well-adjusted and fits back into his loving family unit after he rejects the Black Witches, but the two are never given a time to apologize to one another and accept their respective faults. If this aspect were to be elaborated upon, it could provide an emotional high point in the story and add to the narrative’s depth.

In addition, little is shown about the life that the family leads before the accident that forces the family to believe their son is dead. It’s said that they live a fairly traditional life, although Maureen has always been uneasy around Njànsí. The narrative would benefit from showing more of the family’s previous daily routine in order to provide a starker contrast to the current story. This approach would further illustrate the love that the family has for one another, and make the current circumstance all the more tragic. For instance, the book mentions that Njànsí and Nkechi are very close as children, but this isn’t illustrated. The narrative taking on more of a “show, don’t tell” mentality would give audiences something stronger to grasp onto as the story moves forward.

Finally, the conclusion is left somewhat open-ended since the Black Witches still have power. The Kalu family has found peace, but others are still susceptible to the persuasion of the dark lords. The end of the narrative could provide a strong jumping off point for a new segment of stories in which Njànsí commits the rest of his life to defeating the powers that nearly ruined him. NJÀNSÍ is incredibly creative and emotional. The emotional stakes can be raised by providing a cathartic moment between Njànsí and his mother. In addition, showing the family’s life before it was torn apart by the Black Witches will add to the dramatic impact. If this issues are addressed, the book has the potential to be adapted into a compelling feature film or alternative television series.

Written by Louie Nielson, Authorhouse, UK. February 2015

https://www.authorhouse.com/

Osagyefo Dr. “Kwabena” Nkrumah

His Day Name

Today in Ghana we celebrate Founder’s Day, the recognized birthday of Osagyefo Dr. Kwame Nkrumah. The twist to this agreed date is that September 21, 1909 was a Tuesday. Some sources claim that Dr. Kwame Nkrumah himself stated he was born on 18th September, 1909 rather than this agreed Founder’s Day date while his mother put his birth year at 1912 (both Saturdays). This reference comes from the well-known culture of naming children based on the day they are born. Dr. Kwame Nkrumah insisted he was born on a Saturday and wanted to maintain his Ghanaian identity by emphasizing this name: Kwame.

A Case for Identity

A name is a fundamental part of our identity and I must add that many other cultural aspects define our identity as a people (wherever you come from). Kunta Kinte’s resistance to being called Toby was an issue around retaining his original identity. The same goes for someone like Dr. Mensa Otabil who stopped wearing suits many years ago, and maybe Mohammed Ali who changes his name from Cassius Clay. Many other fathers particularly of the oppressed people of the world have done things or developed habits that indicated their insistence of preserving their identity.

A Revolutionary Leader

Dr. Kwame Nkrumah is very well-known for his revolutionary speeches, passion for Africa as a whole, his camaraderie with the East, and socialist philosophy. Many thinkers still make reference to his ideas and many Ghanaians still laud his achievements after decades of changes in government. He is one great example that shows us that there was something the early fathers of African countries knew and experienced in their exposure to Europe and the West that made then very adamant about protecting the African identity and building our own history of which we can be proud. Take a look at the likes of Nnamdi Azikiwe, Ahmadu Bello, Tafawa Balewa, Alex Ekueme, Obafemi Awolowo, Thomas Sankara, Kenneth Kaunda, Jojo Kenyatta, Nelson Madela, Julius Nyerere and others. Even Robert Mugabe with all his advertised flaws had something about him that showed he had more depth than many contemporary African leaders. It is quite difficult to compare the intelligence, diction, oratory prowess, commitment to duty, sacrifice and passion we saw in the early post-colonial fathers with what we see today. what happened to us?

Dr. Kwame Nkrumah’s foresight in advocating something as outlandish, as threatening to the West as the United States of Africa is a testimony to how advanced that generation was.  Dr. Kwame Nkrumah’s foresight showed up again in such investments a six-lane road that connects Accra to Tema which is still being used over five decades later. Some of his contemporaries considered such a wide motorway a complete waste of money. He envisioned the future of his grand-children, I wonder whether we can do same for our own descendants.

We, The People

Now let me conclude by going back to the issue of identity. Our fathers know we have something to offer. The rest of the world knows and they come to help us exploit our resources. But we ourselves seem totally oblivious of the extent of our wealth. This shows up in our intense craving to travel, purchase foreign goods, entertain ourselves from other country’s creativity and so on. But let me be clear, I am not advocating  some kind of xenophobia or a hatred for the West. I am saying that correctly defining our identity as Africans means bringing what we have to the table of nations and being proud of it. Growing our own technology, our fashion, our own creative expressions. It means creating real value from what God has given us rather than advancing policies that enslave us to others. It means sacrificing a little now so we can buy the future. We do have a a unique identity as a people and we have to preserve it.

September

Nine

The ninth month of the year has become typical for memorable events. In the year 2001, the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center in New York were virtually destroyed by aircraft supposedly under the control of Al-Quaeda. In the year 2008, we had the global financial crisis triggered by questionable practices perpetrated by some of the biggest financial institutions int eh United States. Once again, in 2018, we are recording the funeral of a notable son of Africa, Kofi Annan, the only black man to be named a Secretary-General of the United Nations.

Hubris

I would like to hone in on a series on the BBC has been airing about the events that led up the near collapse of the global financial system as a result of questionable practices perpetrated by staff of some of the world’s oldest and “richest” financial institutions. The re-enactment of these events showed the utter confidence that people like the CEO of Lehman Brothers voiced out to his President, confidence that, to my mind, bordered on arrogance. He was absolutely sure that the United States or Barclays Bank would buy them out but he was utterly wrong. Yes, an institution with more than a century of success can definitely fail.

Lessons

There are a few things we can learn from the events surrounding the fall of Lehman brothers. I will simply outline them and let the reader think through:

1. You are never too big to fail. We have seen it with institutions and we have seen it with great men. A history of great achievements can easily be erased from memory with one colossal failure.

2. Failure is often a series of wrong steps. Your habits are amplified as you grow in influence. The are amplified because you actions affect many more people that previously. The effects of a bad habit are much worse when you are a person or an institution of great influence.

3. You are never guaranteed someone else’s help. The decision as to whether your friends will help you when you are in trouble or not is not your decision, it’s theirs. You have no right to count on that help especially when the failure is your fault.

So …

I am sure there are many other things we can pick from this part of the world’s history. Maybe you think, I should mention the need to keep out of any kind of debt but I am sure you have already heard that from Dave Ramsey.https://www.daveramsey.com

Cheerio.

Kofi Annan: Focus

This week millions around the world paid last respects to Kofi Annan, the Ghanaian-born former Secretary -General of the United Nations. It has been a mix of sadness, inspiration, and even conspiracy theories like ” …the body never made it to Ghana”. (What?!!!). For me it is mostly the second: inspiration. I am inspired by one who was able to achieve much and make impact in his  lifetime. He was a consistent performer academically in his early year and throughout his career in the United Nations, rising quickly through the ranks.

One key characteristic I have noticed about anyone who makes impact in this world is focus. Thing about all the great heroes of the past and present. Most of them were all know for one thing or the other.  Be sure that as bright as they were they must have had many talents. Mandela was known for activism even though he could have made a great motivational speaker. Usain Bolt is known for athletics but maybe he can do well in football. Kenneth Hagin was known for Christian Ministry though he could have made stand-up comedian with his sense of humour (with all respect). I am sure Kofi Annan was skilled at a number of other things other than governance, negotiation and transformational leadership – his roles in the UN – but we recognize him for one thing: he led the UN!

You see, we do not have enough time in this world to explore all our capabilities. If we really want to go deep in any area of life and fly high in achievement in that area, I think we each stand a better chance sticking to one thing or a limited set of related items for a significant period of time. Focus is the first law of success.